*a re-freshened outlook*

following last week, emotions were left on a high. while i've always been emotionally adept, it came to a point that i had to make some serious changes. see, for the years that gramps lived with us in perth, he had used my room. i was quite a pain about it. i know i complained to so many people about my "space" issues and most of you would know heaps about my apartment/house hunting for the most of this year. so having my room back at first felt quite weird. now as blunt as this is going to sound, i'm glad that gramps didn't die in my room.

it's bad enough that for the whole of last week, every time i walked into my room or just stood at the doorway and looked at my bed, i would see him lying there like he had done for so long. i would see him and even hear him breathe really loudly and make those really weird dream grumbles. but then. on saturday last week, that's when the image association started. every time i saw my bed, by association i'd see gramps in bed at the nursing home. then again by association, i'd see him how we first saw him when we went to view him that morning after he passed.

so call me weak, call me sensitive.

either way, each time i walked into my room, i'd feel sad.

so over the weekend, i finally decided. no more. i needed to make a change. for the longest time, i've always wanted to paint one wall in my room white. i always thought that it would open up the room a lot more, make it not so hot in summer (because of the dark colour) but just not too cold in winter (there's still the three walls of dark colour left).

so that's exactly what i did! now i'm really only responsible for providing the paint. thanks to shell who dutifully came over on friday/saturday to help me paint - because she's totally the arty one. haha.




now i would take a picture of the finished product, but i'm going to wait 'til all the other elements of my room change are completed. :)

but the night before, on friday night, we had ourselves quite an adventure. with me being fickle about deciding what to eat, it took a drive through northbridge, leederville and innaloo to decide that we'd rather cook ourselves. so! precedent prevailed and we made the best takoyaki ever:







and yes, we were all smiles about it, because even our first batch turned out peachy!

but following this phase of "re-freshening", mum and i went to the city on saturday after church. there's nothing quite like $150 worth of dvd boxsets, cake and coffee, and quality time with mum.


me with cheesecake and iced chocolate


mum and her massive melting moment


now i gotta say, the cake and coffee was pretty average, so just a recommendation for those of you who ever have the need to stop for coffee in northbridge, you might want to consider not going to vultures cafe. you could tell that the lemon white choc cheese cake was store bought and the extent of the "white choc" was just a dot of cream-like topping. also, the melting moment didn't really melt - it sorta... disintegrated... in a really strange way. and the iced choc would have been smashing, provided that it wasn't 75% icecube (which was not blended).

but all in all, and semi-dodgy afternoon tea aside, the weekend was pretty fulfilling.

and you'll be glad to know that i can now sleep in peace. :)

*a tribute to gramps*

so sad news guys.

last saturday morning at 5:50am, my gramps was called Home to be with the Lord.

okay, so sad news for me, for us. but good news for him. he's been in perth, living with us for about 2 years now. and i'm really really really glad that he came here. it gave me a chance to hang out with him, play mahjong with him, cook for him, eat with him, and just get to know him.

he's the only grandparent who i can say i actually knew. i knew what kind of food he liked, what he didn't. i knew what kind of tv he liked watching and where on his back he liked to be massaged. i knew how he liked his coffee and that he had a really really sweet tooth.

but what was even better, was that as soon as they heard, all the family from mum's side flew down from singapore. we've never particularly been close to all of mum's family, so it was a little bit nerve racking at first just to see how things would go! but, the Lord is good. it turns out that His master plan all this time was to bring the family back together. gramps would've been pleased. happy. contented. and at peace. it was one of his "last wishes" to see the whole family reunited. so to have it happen (and for EVERYONE to fly down at the last minute), it was really a blessing.

it's also times like this which make you realize the brevity of life. but it's not just about making some sweeping statement like "living life to the full", but it's more about living life well. and i think gramps did that. i mean, i've heard lots of stories about him growing up, and really, he didn't get saved until he was in his 70s. but nevertheless, there are so many things which we can all be thankful for and there are also countless things which i've learned from him - through his example.

last weekend (through to wednesday) were probably the most hectic and sleep-deprived days that i've lived through yet. from little to no sleep on most of those days, God still provided. He kept me safe when I was driving (tired... yes), but He also opened my eyes to see that love and faith are two things which i need to work on keeping close to my heart.

but all in all, gramps' funeral wasn't sad. at first i was sad that people weren't getting sad. but then, i realized after a bit that you know what? really, what is there to be sad about? gramps lived a full life here on earth, but he's gone on to a place which is awesomely better than here! i mean, c'mon the streets ARE lined with gold and everyone lives in a humongous mansion! it's a pretty sweet deal. so you know what? it's not and was not a time of grieving. but rather, it was a celebration. =)


SUNDAY


the first lot of family landed on early sunday morning, so sunday night dinner called for a good ol' aussie bbq... :)

MONDAY




the two sisters saying goodbye


chucking all-nighters to get the video presentation up to scratch!
but yes, i realize that the clock says 12 noon, but hey!
i hadn't slept yet!


playing keys: getting ready for the vigil service


quick lunch before rushing off to finalize everything


the beautiful wreaths


consoling mum


the vigil service in action, people paying their last respects


we were tired... so of course, there's funny faces on the couch

TUESDAY


a family portrait before the herse left for the crematorium


after the reception, such a catalogue shot


< L to R: benedict (aka da ge)|raph|mum|aunty siew tin|me|rach|dad >


nice one of the three of us


one last meal: the family at the atrium restaurant, burswood


five trips in two and a half days...
thankfully, petrol prices went down to 120!


and finally, we have a nice family shot for mum's side!
see what i mean? family unity all the way! =D


so a celebration indeed.

but nevertheless, it doesn't meant that we won't miss him.



coz i will.

dearly.

*kudos to both jerry and uncle albert for the courtesy of some photos*

*suprize*

wow. the past few weeks have flown by! study, work, study, work. and then yes... it is birthday season. last week was raph's, today is dad's.

things were quite funny with raph's actually. wednesday came and went. no traditional family dinner. no traditional gift giving. no nothing. just a hug and a smile. hahah. and oh boy, was he sad. (though he doesn't quite admit that). little did he know, that all along, we were planning to throw him a surprize party! hardeharhar.

we kept the secret well... except for a one VERY close slip-up by rach... hahah. we had to explain a few tricky things too. i.e. why lil and shell came to sleepover, why lil and i made 2 litres of mango pudding, why we were making cellophane windows (which we used for our buzz game) and why we were cleaning the house randomly!

thanks to raph's blessed case of slight "thickness", we managed to pull it off. hehe.

but here's some pictures and a vids!



the *surprize* golden-moment


rach's brainchild.


the awesome choc/vanilla/strawberry cake that mum made for raph


the pie-fight round of our "buzz-like" game, flick.the.switch


everyone looking on at raph opening his pressies


the other side of the "crowd"


rach|me|lil|shell|cheng|raph
the six of us really BUZZing after the rest of the company left

*what makes me tick*

you know, it sucks when you have a person who constantly ignores what you say. you want them to listen. most times, you want their opinion. but then, when you're standing in the kitchen, and you're both there, you start talking. mainly about your day and the things that you got up to or the interesting things which happened throughout the week, and the things which you're not quite sure what to do about. but then this person just looks at you and looks right through you. they know you're there, but they don't quite seem to notice. they focus on cutting the vegetables or washing the cups. or something weird like that.

but then, what happens when this keeps happening repeatedly? not just once or twice, but every day over a few years? what then? am i meant to be numb? am i meant to just not care? should i just write-off that emotion and just say to myself, "you know what? even if they don't care or respond, it really doesn't matter!" but then, that would be lying. because it DOES matter. what they think does matter. but when they stand there and all they can think about is themselves, then that's a bad thing right? is the onus on me to vocalize these feelings? do i need to say it to their face? or would a letter say it better? after all, that's written proof right?

how can i make it not hurt so much? i want them to be emotionally sensitive to what i'm going through. so no, maybe i'm not going through a crisis. but yes! i want to hear what they have to say about themselves, but i want them to care about me as well. i want them to be interested in how my day went, what happened at work or at uni. i want them to listen to me! not just hear me, but actually listen!

really, is that too much to ask?

*whoops*

so i'm going to be 100% honest here.

so far we've gone through about 12 weeks of uni. and it's terrible i know, but for my 3rd yr politics unit (which is pretty much "the big unit" which most students complete in their final semester - i.e. it's a 50 credit unit which has a research paper worth 50% of the unit grade), participation in tutorials is weighted as 20%. this can be considered to be exceptionally high, considering that most other units only have 10% participation. now in order to actually participate, one would have to actually ATTEND the class right?

as i've discovered, i've "somehow" managed to miss roughly 5 of these tutorials. independently, 5 isn't such a bad number. but... in my case, that's 5 of 9 tutorials i've missed. quite embarrassing really. but what made things even more embarrassing is the fact that when i walked into class today, and passed my tutor in the hallway, he looked at me and said "hi, pheebs"... and then, he gave me this look. and immediately i thought "oh no, he totally noticed that i haven't been here for the last like 4 classes". so a few minutes later, to cement my speculation about his unfortunate knowledge (of my wagging), just after class started, he walked over to me and handed me my marked research proposal - which i then found out from a friend, the same research proposal that everyone had gotten back 3 weeks ago in class.

*slaps forehead*

i guess the lessons in all of this, are:

(1) don't wag;
(2) don't wag classes in which your tutor knows you (by name);
(3) if you're going to wag, wag smart - i.e. sporadically;
(4) don't wag classes when they hand stuff back - that's way too obvious; and
(5) it'd probably be better to not wag at all

as they say, a lesson may be learned too late, but it's better than never having learned the lesson at all! and you know what? i've got 2 semesters after this to prove it!

:)

birthdays... =p

yup! it's that time of the year again! and happy 20th to me. =)

not so much of a big deal this time round. but, it was definitely a happy time!

here's some happy snaps... and warning, there's quite a few!


whoops. upside down..! but here's what my fam got me! new stereo for the car. =D


family shot at dinner. too bad dad is blocked in both shots =.=


yes, the girls slept over...


and a nice shot of course...


and we made strawberry cupcakes!

food from the family b'day dinner:



and the cake... =)



and liz was so sweet - she got me a slice of the marble gold cheesecake and put my name on it! check it out:




two nights later it was my parent's 32nd wedding anniversary. now. i'm not sure why we kids were there, but, i sure am glad we were coz the food was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! =D

so my kudos and compliments go out to the chef at hanami japanese restaurant in mt lawley.

here's some snaps:




and some other snaps from the night:

mum and dad - don't they look happy?


funny shot of me and rach. well, at least funny on my half. =p


and then a funny shot of me and raph...


so yes, let's just say that last week was a really good food week! haha. and it was a really good week for a birthday. =D

*the same sun melts the snow and hardens the clay...*

work.
work.
and work.

uni work.
work work.
home work.

yuppp. that's pretty much my week huh.

oh and side note: the only thing that i've done the weekend (other than my stooopid OB200 essay) is this:



"new series" a.k.a. GREEK. let's just say... it's soooooo addictive. our butts have been plastered to the couch for at least 9 hours.

pity it's monday tomorrow though. coz yup. guess what it's back to?

WORK!

*if i ever have to ask...*

wow. so long day today. it started at about 5:45am when i woke up to get ready for election day. why you may ask? no... i didn't need 3 hours to prepare for my civic participation in exercising my right to vote, but i did need to get up and get ready to get down to greenwood primary school to work as a polling official. and oh. my. goodness. let's just say that it was probably one of the most un-invigorating days of my life! i got there at 7am, was issued with a stack of ballot papers and an electoral roll, the doors opened at 8am, and once we passed 9:30, it suddenly became dead quiet. and poor us, things never really picked up.

so after 10 hours of voting, our polling place only had 1,537 votes cast. and that's distributed across five polling officials. can you imagine? and worse, i was sitting at table number 4... so everytime we had a lone voter come in, they would stop at the first or second desk, and the rest of us were left there without any action! hahah. but in total i issued about 350 ballot papers. not much when you consider that i was sitting there for like 10 hours.

but even though it was deathly boring, the pay's good and the experience all up was pretty good too. at least i can now say that i have first-hand experience in witnessing exactly how these elections are administered. the people i got to work with today were really nice too. although, our assistant polling place manager was a bit funny, she rained a lot and had a little bit of a problem respecting personal space, but... even given that it was all still very pleasant.

but ask me if i'd do it again? i don't think i can say i would. i'd rather spend my saturdays in front of the telly, or heck, even studying! hahaha. at least then i wouldn't be so knackered. =p

anyhow, on another note. i'm really bothered how i keep getting distracted by the same thing. have you ever had a thought which just keeps invading your mind, minute after minute? it's a totally bizarre experience for me though... i'm really used to just having lone thoughts which drift in and out of my consciousness. but lately, i've just had the same thing repeatedly flash. it's beginning to get annoying. and i'm wondering maybe if this is God's way of telling me to act on it! but then again, the consequences are pretty uhm... severe? well at least they're real. and you know, once you go forward, there's no going back!

well. i'll be off for tonight. but i just want to say. i never ever ever ever want to have to ask someone these three questions ever again:

"have you cast an early vote for this election, or voted elsewhere today?"
"what's your full name?"
"and what's your address?"

gah.

-enough said.

*sometimes it's funny when...*

a. the weeks go by really fast, yet there's still one thing which just sticks on your mind
b. you know you need something, but you're not sure what to do about it
c. your favorite pair of shoes are the ones that actually hurt
d. people think that you're one thing, but you can't help but feel like another
e. you think you're sure of something, but then uncertainty encapsulates everything else
f. you read the blog of a 30 yr old who still abbreviates/nickifies their partner's name
g. the one thing which seems to matter the most, just doesn't seem to matter at all
h. you know you're loved, but sometimes you've never felt more empty
i. the thought of ageing is more frightful than dying
j. you see something you want, but know you shouldn't, but you do anyway
k. you're misunderstood, and there's nothing you can do about it
l. you almost forget what letter comes after 'k'
m. everyone predicts your decision is bad, but you don't listen
n. you can feel what people think through the look in their eyes
o. the one person you want to talk to is the one person you can't
p. you overcome the awkwardness of a new friendship, and all of a sudden things are cherry
q. you have enough money that you don't know what to do with it
r. you just want someone to stop and listen, but no one seems up for the job
s. a book that's written for 5 year olds still makes you laugh
t. you see someone who you haven't seen for years, and they're still exactly the same
u. you procrastinate to the point that guilt sets in
v. you wait for 1.5 hours for a 30 minute class
w. waking up the next morning makes all the difference
x. you almost crash your car, and you don't mind
y. you realize just how lucky you are coz of what you have
z. it's 9 o'clock at night, and you're yawning