hola.

well well well. the suprizes just keep on coming! so raph and rach are pretty tricky. after sending me the balloon and the bear, they sent something else a couple of days later! hahah. now this picture really doesn't do the basket any justice. it's full of junk food lol. all kinds of frazzles and dazzles - as if they WANT me to get fat!



so yes, it was very sweet of them to appeal to my sweet tooth. hahaha. and it's so funny because apart from the pringles and the gobstoppers - i've like never heard of any of the other lollies in there! hahahahah. like 'razzles' and 'chipnuts' and 'twizzlers'.. lol. they all sound like lollies from the movies. hahah. =p but just a note, some of them taste a little funny... or like nothing at all. hahahahah.

annnywayyy! i'm in a really weird mood/faze at the moment.
i just got back from my communications class - and same as last week, the test had a pretty good outcome. but i feel kinda numb about it. and not just numb about that, but about everything else around me! like... the things that i normally find interesting and funny, i feel numb about. the things that make me sad, just make me feel numb too. i feel like i'm lost at the moment. but i know i'm NOT lost and that i'm not alone.

i'm surrounded my lots and lots of people - people who i can talk to too. people who i can relate to even. but for some reason, i just feel like i'm isolated and deserted. i don't really know how to explain why. so i talk to family back home everyday - and yes i miss them, but since i talk to them so much i don't feel homesick.

i think i miss the piano. back home, the piano would be my outlet you know? like if i was feeling in a creative mood, i would write parts or arrange a song, or i'd listen to a song and then exercise my muzo-ear and write the song out... or if i was angry, i'd play one of my loud bang songs and just bang the crap out of the keys. or if i was sad i'd end up playing a ballad. but i don't have a piano over here. i think i lost my outlet, and i have all of the pent up energy and emotions which i don't know where to put it all. there's only so much that a girl can journal you know? only so much that someone can say to themselves. self reflection is good for the soul, but is there such thing as over-reflection? like, thinking too much? perhaps.

i think i just want to relax. i should be relaxed. maybe i'm just frustrated. frustrated that the two people who i really need to talk to and tell things two aren't on talking terms with me. although, i can't really quite figure out why. why do things have to go so sour? why can't everything be as they were? why can't we forgive and forget and just move on? why can't we just appreciate friendship for what it is? i guess i won't know the answers to these things for a while to come. =(

i'm like a grain of sand on a beach, one of the millions.

i think it's just a mood. and a phase. i'm sure it'll pass soon. i hope it does coz my heart hurts. =(

jaa.

- pheebs