after planning for the future for so long, it's weird how all the emotion has been sucked out of me. i really expected a climax when i got the good news that i got accepted to UNSW. but now... weirdly i'm left feeling confused.
as most of you would know, i spent the latter half of last year deliberating about what to do this year in 2010: whether to work, spend another year at curtin doing honours, do honours at another uni, or go and do postgrad law at a uni over east. in due course i applied for a few (some might say 'too many') different uni's over east namely and lucky me - i was accepted to quite a few of them. after the sydney trip last year, i really did think that i had my heart set on sydney - i was so sure that i wanted to go to UNSW. i mean, as everyone tells me, there are just so many benefits of sydney over melbourne!
after hearing back from monash, i first thought it was scary that they started in january - simply because it meant that i'd have to leave some time this week. i mean, how am i meant to pack up my life in just one week? i swear it's not possible - there's just wayyyy to many people that i haven't seen or caught up with yet and too many things that haven't been organised! so immediately, there's one pro to UNSW - they don't start until late february.
i really should say - i know that i've made my decision. i know i'm going to UNSW. but somehow, deep down, i feel confused... or maybe even conflicted. i'm not sure whether it's the arising emotions and realisation that i'm really, actually going to be leaving perth, leaving family, friends and everything familiar, or if it's because i'm just ready to go right now, and that i don't want to wait another month to leave. getting into and choosing UNSW means another 3 weeks of work and another 3 weeks of just planning, and not 'doing'.
i keep asking, why do i feel this way??? i mean, i know i'm usually the planning type. i love to plan things down to the letter. take holidays for example - i always end up with pages and pages of research and notes about places to go, things to do - even details down to bus times and how much things cost. but now... it seems that the timing of everything is just completely throwing me off!
don't get me wrong - i love perth. i love living here and i love being within my comfort zone (duh!). but there's half of my heart which is tugging and saying that i'm ready to up and leave right now, right this moment. the other half is glued here. the other half knows that it's gonna be hard to leave and to say bye to things as they are right now.
in two words: i'm torn.
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