u noe.. things are actually ok now.. i mean.. things will be really weird without my grandpa arnd.. but u noe wat? life goes on.. no matter how much i cry abt it... it won't bring him back u noe? i guess i've just gotta live in his example.. in his walk of faith.. 'n i've gotta understand tt he did certain things for us grandchildren to one day come to understand... but no matter what happens or what did happen.. all i noe is tt i loved him.. and i still do.

the thing abt funerals is tt it affects everybody in a different way... without knowing the person, u'll never noe whether they'll be the one to break down and cry and possibly make everyone around them cry. the problem is also not knowing how to relate to those who have lost a loved one. before my grandfather's death, i had no idea what it felt like to lose a loved one... but to some extent... not ever speaking to him in hokkien was one thing which put a barrier there.. i couldn't ever say tt i have actually had a PROPER conversation with him... but despite of tt fact.. still its the actions 'n the things which my grandfather did which allows me to feel somewhat close to him... it's in this sense which i feel disadvantaged... bcoz it feels as if i wasn't as close to him as my cousins were... but it was thru the funeral which i saw how my grandfather was a living testament of his faith.. it only encourages me to do the same.. to live out my faith no matter wat is thrown at me.