two posts ago it was one month til the end of semester 1. now, it's four days. i've just come off from 6 hours of intense study, so admittedly, my thoughts are a little bit jumbled in all things not administrative law.
five minutes ago, i felt an overwhelming need to ramble/vent. so with a lack of people to ramble to at 1:22AM on a wednesday/thursday night/morning, here we are. =)
i went to uni today for a revision class and ended up bumping into heaps of JDers that i started out with last year. the consensus of reactions were along the lines of "phwoah! where've YOU been?" as it seems, i have disappeared.
it certainly does feel like that happens to me a lot. i'm so accustomed to this kind of reaction from people that i think i have a habit of 'disappearing' from all kinds of things. right now, i'm thinking this could possibly be a shadow or consequence (either works) of my inability to commit to pretty much anything in general.
at different points in times, i've looked back and realized that i remember being a part of something, but now, as it stands, i'm somehow not anymore. or at least, even if i am still physically present in said thing/group/activity, i still feel like i'm not. i guess this on the whole could be construed as completely normal, but the point that i distinguish in my mind is the fact that i can never remember the exact point in time that i stopped feeling like i was a part of it.
most of the time, like all my other phases, it's entirely self-inflicted. i'm pretty sure i'm the one who backs off or has a change of mind or just gets busy with other things. but this as a constant can't be a good thing... can it?
it's something that i've been thinking a lot about lately, but just haven't been sure of where to place it. i always wonder how it affects the people around me.
colour me confused. just a little anyway.
i think i'll conclude by saying that i think i may need another aquarium day. =D
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